


Moments that tell her story

by annabethyy



Category: Power Rangers, Power Rangers (2017)
Genre: Depression, F/F, Healing, Implied/Referenced Suicide attempt, Inspirational Quotes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-05
Updated: 2017-12-05
Packaged: 2019-02-10 22:25:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12921480
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/annabethyy/pseuds/annabethyy
Summary: Trini's life told through various quotes and life-events. Depression, self-acceptance, and healing.





	Moments that tell her story

**Author's Note:**

> Hey y'all, I hope you enjoy this. I've been working on it on and off for the past few weeks and finally finished tonight. Are parts a tad bit unrealistic? Yeah. But it's a power rangers fanfiction. You get what you sign up for.

"Life is tough darling, but so are you."-Stephanie Bennett-Henry

Trini's been fighting since the day she was born a preemie at 34 weeks. Her doctors were hesitant to give her parent's any hope, saying she probably wouldn't make it a month.

Trini, on the other hand, wasn't so willing to give up. Against all odds she made it a month, then two, and soon she was turning one. No matter what obstacle life threw at her tiny body, she managed to come back stronger than before.

She never managed to catch up in height, but when you punch harder than most grown men and have a permanent fire in your eyes, no one dares make a comment about how short you are.

Althroughout elementary and middle school, she would constantly get in fights with the school bully. In first grade, a kid named Trevor pushed a special needs boy over on the playground. The teachers couldn't punish him because they hadn't seen it, but Trini refused to let it go. Next recess she walked right up to Trevor and socked him in the face. (Trini would argue that the 3 days no-recess she got was more than worth it.)

 

“Denying what you are didn't keep people from knowing what you are."

She decided a long time ago that no part of her every truly thought it was straight. She always knew she liked girls but didn't give it much of a second thought.

They moved to Rhode Island when Trini was 11. The first day in their new house, two women came over to welcome them to the neighborhood. They brought a freshly baked batch of cookies and wine for her parents, with smiles and joy to match. When her mom found out they were married, Trini remembers how her voice ticked up an octave and the smile on her face became more forced than authentic.

After the women left, her mother went on a rant in Spanish about how people like that had a lot of nerve coming to her good Christian house. She turned to Trini and said "I have no problem with gays. I just don't want them in my house."

From that moment on, Trini decided to suppress her feelings. Unfortunately, fate had other plans, as the first day came and she was seated next to a cute blonde girl in math. The girl, Sarah, was bright and full of life. She loved show tunes, polka dots, and old black and white movies. Her and Trini were nothing alike, yet the girls slowly grew closer. (More like Sarah decided to adopt Trini as her friend and Trini was too busy having a baby gay meltdown to do anything about it)

Barely a few months into the semester and everyone at school knew the pair were inseparable, sharing everything from secrets to juice boxes. It wasn't until February that Trini began to get the suspicion that Sarah had figured out her sexuality. She would point out hot female celebrities, ask Trini if she had any "girl crushes" and make random comments about how she liked Trini more than any boy at their school. Her suspicion was confirmed during one of their routine Friday-Night-Sleepovers when Sarah asked what Trini thought about girls who liked other girls. (Lesbians, Sarah informed her)

After she fumbled out a response that made absolutely no sense, the other girl rolled her eyes and was suddenly really close to Trini's face. Just as she leaned in for what would have been Trini's first kiss, June walked in with a pizza for the girls.

One phone call to Sarah's mom and two weeks later, the Gomez family found themselves in Ann Arbor, Michigan.

 

"Be easy. Take your time. You are coming home. To yourself." -the becoming, wing

Under Trini's bed, behind tubs of old school work and binders of drawings, there is a grey and black spotted photo box. It's not very noticeable or significant from the outside, and it's silent even when shaken around. Inside the box, nestled in bundles of torn socks and newspaper, there are several orange pill bottles. They're all empty except for one, which has a few small white tablets resting beneath balls of cotton to prevent them from making any sound.

Every morning when she wakes up, Trini shifts the tubs and binders out of the way, slides out the box and flips open the lid. The process is methodical and routine, always done right after she gets out of bed so she has plenty of time before anyone will come near her room. She takes two pills every day, swallowing them with a gulp of water from a cup she constantly keeps on her bedside table. Then she slides everything back into place and continues getting ready for school.

She first got her hands on the anti-depressants her freshman year. After the events of 8th grade took a toll on her, she was never able to truly recover emotionally. She spent months being incapable of caring about anything, forgetting to shower and eat for days on end. Slowly, she lost any fat she had on her body and began to wither away. Her clothing was always baggy, but they began to hang off her frame like scraps on a rag doll.

No one noticed until halfway through the second semester of ninth grade. Her English teacher, Mrs. Pembroke, held her back one day after class. She asked Trini if she was all right, the first time she'd been asked that in a long time, and the girl broke down sobbing.

She told Mrs. Pembroke everything, about her friends in Michigan, the way they treated her, how her mom acted towards her ever since she found her and Sarah together, how she barely ate or showered or remembered to get out of bed most days. She talked about how she knew she was depressed, but her parents are Hispanic Catholics so good luck convincing them that depression was a real illness and not a lack of dedication or hard work.

When she was done, Mrs. Pembroke smiled softly at her and the two worked out a plan. Trini stayed after school on Thursday's for "Writing Club" and Mrs. Pembroke took her to see a therapist 45 minutes away, in a weird little town called Angel Grove. Through some less than legal means, she managed to convince the therapist and a psychiatrist that she was Trini's mom, getting her a prescription for Zoloft. Between her husband's insurance plan and a bit of Trini's allowance, they kept the whole plan secret.

The therapy and meds worked wonders. Slowly but surely, Trini started to work through her problems. She began to remember to eat, and shower and brush her teeth. She joined a book club at school and made straight-a's, and her parents were none the wiser. As time went on, she finally began to like herself a little bit. She finally began to heal.

 

"Your purpose is hidden within your wounds." -Rune Lazuli

Her therapist is a guy in his early thirties named Evan who was almost gayer than she was. He started off each session making small talk before the deep dive began. This week, he decided they needed to talk about her "life goals". She confessed she didn't really have any.  
"Well then Kid, why get better?"

Pause.

Trini scowled at him, "Are you telling me it's not worth it? That I should just give up?"

He chuckled.

"No, not at all. I'm just saying, why work so hard to get better if you don't have any goals? Why do you care? It would be a lot easier to sit around and do nothing."  
He smiled at her kindly, and her scowl faded.

"But you're not doing that. You're here, once a week every week for the past few months. You do the assignments I give you, more than most adults who have been seeing me for even longer. You try harder than a majority of patients I've had."

"So you're telling me to stop being an overachiever?" She interjected, a small smirk on her face. He laughed.

"Not in the slightest, I'm just curious why you try so hard if you don't have any goals or plans for the future. Most people only put in real work when they're working towards something."

Another pause. Trini mulled over the question in her brain, thinking about why she started coming in the first place.

"Is wanting to get better not a good enough goal? Do I really need an ulterior motive to therapy?"

"Oh, that's a fine objective. But it's not a goal. A goal is something you can measure, with steps and milestones. Something with a clear finish. You can't measure 'get better'. You can give it arbitrary steps and milestones, but there isn't a measurable end to it. When does getting better stop? Does it ever stop?"

Trini thought about it. She hadn't considered when she would consider herself 'better'. She figured she'd just know when it happened, but was slowly realizing that was kind of ignorant.

"Let's start with after high school," He must sense she's seeing his point. "What do you want to do once you graduate?"

"I want to go to college. Not sure where. But definitely far away from my family."

"Understandable. They aren't exactly you're number one fans. What about after that? Any bucket list items, things you just have to do before you die?"

"I want to run a marathon someday." She paused, considering her next answer. "I know it's cheesy but I think I'd like to get married at some point."

Evan smiled at her again, "It's kind of cheesy, but that's okay. You're allowed to be cheesy. Back to college, what do you want to study?"

"I'm not sure. What is there to even study?"

Another laugh, this one louder and brighter than the others.

"How about you take a career aptitude test. Then we can look at your results and figure out what exactly you want to do with your life."

She smiles, watching Evan get up to grab his laptop, scrolling, and typing until he nods satisfied.

"Here you go. Time to figure out what you'd be good at."

 

"And if I asked you to name all the things you love, how long would it take for you to name yourself?"

One of her favorite schools had a weekly event called 'Operation Beautiful'. Every Wednesday, they encouraged the girls to wear no makeup and asked the boys to wear white. The project was focused on showing off inner beauty and was fairly popular. The student council officers would stand at the front door and hand out little slips of paper with affirmations on them in the morning, greeting everyone on their way in.

Everytime someone brought it up, Trini would roll her eyes and pretend to be disinterested. Secretly, she loved it and kept all the slips of paper in a box under her bed. It was nice to be greeted with a smile in the mornings, even if she wasn't close to whichever officer was doing it that day. Those days helped her feel a bit better about herself, as cheesy as they were. After she had to leave her therapist and Mrs. Pembroke behind during the move from California to Texas, she needed all the help she could get.

She wasn't overly insecure about her appearance. Trini knew she was fairly attractive, blessed with clear skin and the ability to eat whatever she wanted without gaining too much weight. She never had much of a problem finding girls who wanted to hook up with her, but she was hard-pressed to find ones to date.  
Despite her looks, her personality was slightly off-putting. She didn't have many friends, partially from the constant moving, partially from her constant state of grumpiness and a serious case of resting bitch face. She always managed to make a few friends wherever she went, even if they weren't very close.  
Trini would never say she was the most insecure person on the planet, but she certainly didn't love herself. According to Evan, she attached other people's views of her too

According to Evan, she attached other people's views of her too closely to her own perception of self, but not in the way most teens do. She couldn't care less how people thought she looked, but she took her lack of close connections to heart. She figured if no one loved her then she must not be worthy of love. (she had called him a whack-job at the time but realized he was probably right later on)

So no, Trini didn't need those morning affirmations about her appearance. She needed them about her personality, her inner self. As dumb as it sounds, having someone smile and hand you a slip of paper saying 'you're beautiful inside and out' made her tear up a bit. She didn't quite believe it all the time, but the weekly reminders helped her grow towards possibly believing it one day.

 

"And sometimes you meet yourself back where you started, but stronger." -Yrsa Daley-Ward

When her parents told her they were moving back to California, she laughed. When they said they were moving to Angel Grove, she nearly broke down. After two years away from Evan and Mrs. Pembroke, the only two adults she'd ever truly loved, she'd finally be back. She could go back to therapy again, something she missed more than she knew how to put into words.

When they arrived in the small town and she caught the first smell of ocean breeze, tears filled her eyes. This was the town were she started putting herself back together, and she was here to finish the job. No matter what happened at school, she knew this was going to be a good time for her.

Looking back, she laughs at the ignorance from that first day back. She was right, it's been a good time for her. Just not for the reasons she imagined.

Evan welcomed her back with a hug and snickerdoodles, Mrs. Pembroke even drove out to take her first session back with him. For the first few weeks, things were barely different than they had been her freshman year. The school was dull, people left her alone, and she spent a lot of time self-reflecting and doing tai chi.  
That is until a few other kids got the great idea to blow up a mountain.

The next few weeks flew by, from discovering their new abilities to defeating Rita (and final exams). When she finally got a chance to breathe, she could barely comprehend everything she'd been through. She had started off the school year looking forward to therapy and preparing for college applications in the spring, and ended up finding a strong group of friends.

Looking back, she can't believe there was a time before she knew Jason, Billy, Zack, and Kim. She can't believe there was a time where she didn't have any goals or ambitions in life. She can't believe there was a time when she wasn't surrounded by the greatest friends in the world, people who fought by and for her, regardless of the circumstances. She can't believe there was ever a time when she didn't want to be alive.

 

"And even if you're not here to stay, I'm happy the universe allowed your soul to stop by."

If you ask Trini to explain her relationship with Kim, she can only think of the world complicated.

What had started as a friendship formed solely out of convenience, seeing as they were the only two female rangers, slowly morphed into something more. From outings that blurred the lines between friendship and dating, to Kim's incessant need to hold Trini's hand every chance she got, it was a confusing mess.

"Why don't you just, I don't know, ask her? If you're so confused?" Zack had been pestering her non-stop ever since she (mistakenly) told him her dilemma after Kim had taken her to Krispy Kreme one afternoon and spent the entire time staring at her.

Trini rolled her eyes.

"Gee why hadn't I thought of that. Oh wait, I did. But I'm not trying to ruin a friendship I've spent 7 months building over me catching feelings." Now it was Zack's turn to roll his eyes.

"Shoot your shot crazy girl. What's the worst she can say, 'No thanks'? Fat chance. She's obviously crazy about you too. 20 bucks she feels the same way"

"Ha ha Zack, she's Kimberly freakin Hart. She's way too hot to be crazy about me. My personalities blander than Jason's potato salad."

Zack shook his head with a laugh, recalling the unseasoned food the red ranger had brought to their last picnic.

"You're too brown to be as bland as white boy's food. Besides, you're a total smoke show, no-hetero." Trini rolled her eyes again, but a smile appeared on her face.  
"If I give it a chance will you lay off? I'll slip it in while we're studying at her place later. But be ready to come get me if it goes drastically wrong." Zack slung his arm over her shoulder, his other arm socking her lightly in the side.

"Atta girl! You got this, chica."

Flash forward to that evening, and Trini was most certainly regretting her decision. In fact, she was regretting every decision she'd ever made. Because the second she showed up at Kim's and saw the other girl in cotton cheer shorts and a tank top, nothing made sense anymore.

An hour into the study session, Trini had written the same sentence four times in her history essay, called the Revolutionary War the evolutionary war, and said Thomas Jefferson wrote the emancipation proclamation. Noticing her stress, Kim suggested they take a break and watch the new episode of "The Bachelorette" (Trini swears she hates it every time Kim suggests it, but they both know that's a lie).

Sitting side by side with Kim on her twin bed was not helping Trini's gay panic by a long shot. If anything, she was slowly melting into a puddle with each passing minute, as Kim shifted against her side. Halfway through the episode, Trini felt something shaking her arm. Turning her head, she sees the other girls face hovering just a few inches from her own. She must have zoned out, judging by the grin on Kim's face, and feels her face grow hot.

"Penny for your thoughts?" That stupid grin was crumbling what little remained of Trini's resolve.

"Umm, I, uh, there's uhh,"

"Very articulate Trinity." Kim's eyes glint mischievously, still far too close for Trini to breathe.

"Shut up Kimberly." She grumbles, her face must be warm enough to cook on at this point.

"Oooooh, not the full name. I'm sooo scared." Another grin. "Why don't you make me shut up."

Pause.

"Wait, what?" Trini's gulping air at this point, her pulse going a mile a minute. Kim can't have said what she thought she just said.

"I said." Kim leans even closer. "Make me."

'Screw it' Trini thinks, leaning forward to capture Kim's lips with her own.

Zack refused to give her the $20 the next day.

 

"When you can tell your story and it doesn't make you cry, you know you have healed."

The next few months with Kim were bliss in Trini's mind. Between therapy, her girlfriend, the Zoloft, and her acceptance to Stanford for Psychology, Trini was finally a point where she felt she had truly achieved the "better" she had been trying for since 8th grade.

When she told Evan about her revelation, he laughed.

"I think the final step in telling if you're truly better it to truly open up to your friends. You've told me all about what happened in middle school, but never mentioned telling Kim."

Trini felt as if the bubble around her burst.

"Why do I need to open up? What purpose does that serve? I'm happy, I've moved on. It's over." Evan just gave her the same knowing look she'd seen a hundred times before. On the outside, she groaned, but internally she knew he was right.

Later that night, she climbed into Kim's room with unsteady hands. After reassuring Kim she wasn't there to break up with her, she let out a shaky laugh, avoiding eye contact.

With barely a pause for air, she dove into the story. She explained her friendship with Natalee and Ruby, how they had been so close, Trini didn't know what to do without them. Their late night talks during sleepovers at Nat's, trips to the local movie theatre every weekend to see the newest release, hours spent wandering the shopping center outside the theatre talking about nothing and everything.

How things had seemed wonderful, but slowly began to fall apart around November. The way they would talk behind her back about how much time she spent staring at Jess Browning. They shouldn't have cared since they swore they were her friends. But they started acting distant, skipping weekend hangouts and leaving her out of plans 'accidentally'. Whispering to each other at lunch and during art, then pretending it hadn't happened when Trini pressed them.

It all came to a head in February, Valentine's Day to be exact. Trini had been working up the courage to ask Jess to see the anniversary showing of Titanic for weeks. She decided to ask Nat and Ruby's advice, after hiding it from them for fear of being ridiculed. She decided to bring it up to Nat first, during home ec.

After she was done laughing, Nat had sneered at her, saying she couldn't ask a girl to a movie because it would look gay. Trini had been crushed, and Nat had kept joking about how "one of her best friends couldn't be gay or they wouldn't be her friend anymore". Trini had managed to keep it together enough to chuckle and shrug it off, before asking to be excused and breaking down in the first-floor girl's bathroom.

Of course, that wasn't the end of it all. After school, Nat and Ruby texted her to come over to Nat's house for a 'Valentine's Day surprise'. That surprise had been two gift bags, one with a bottle of aspirin and a length of rope from Ruby's dad's garage, the other with a pad of paper and a new pen. They smiled at her tauntingly, before telling her "you know what to do with them".

Trini let out a dry laugh, pausing before continuing on about waking up the next morning in a hospital bed. Her parents refused to visit her because of her attempted "mortal sin". They sent her to a center for "troubled teens" which was just a nice way of saying a psych ward. She spent a total of 6 weeks there at three points during eighth grade.

When she finally finished, Trini glanced up at Kim. The other girl had tears in her eyes, a look on her face of pure pain.

"I'm so sorry you had to go through that," Kim met her eyes.

After countless therapy sessions and tears, Trini finally feels free. She can feel the pain float off her shoulders as she looks at the beautiful girl in front of her.

"You know what. For the first time in a long time, I can honestly say I'm okay with it. It really sucks, but it's over and I grew from it. I'm actually okay."  
The tears that come to her eyes now aren't ones of sorrow or hurt, but joy. It's over. She won.

 

"She needs time, like we all do. Time to be ok with being ok. Because sometimes, feeling right after feeling so wrong for so long, is the hardest thing to get used to."

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you think in the kudos and comments down below.  
> Tumblr- annabethyy  
> Hope you all have a great and safe week!


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